Homestuck Epilogues 10: Poor Tavros.

Hey, sorry for missing yesterday. I just was not doing great. Still not feeling awesome but I'm hoping to get some done today anyway, ideally get up to candy epilogue six.

Homestuck Epilogues

Candy 22

• Terezi Pyrope!
• Time is passing so fast?? Egbert's child is Three?
• Although I'm pretty sure it's still been less then a week or something from Terezi's POV.
• "ghostrain.jpg"
• So there are now a bunch of ghosts hanging out on earth C
• And anti-alternian sentiment has increased because they're mostly trolls?
• Jane is basically the shadow president
• Did Karkat actually become Big Boss?
• Gamzee is becoming a regular Charles Manson

JOHN: can you...

JOHN: take a selfie?

TEREZI: WH4T

• Calliope mentioned

FEFERI: Very well.

ERIDAN: oh fuck yeah

ERIDAN: RUB A DUB DUB COME GIMME A GLUB!!!

• "Rub a dub dub come gimme a glub"
• Crocker casually flying her dreadnought over the park
• This version of Roxy I can see being described as a centrist, and a bit more fairly
• Either that or overly naive
• Although in fairness she seems, very different
• I don't want to say bimbo-ified
• But something sort of like that

Candy 23

• John is not having a good time
• Harry Anderson is old enough to talk
• Can, five year olds talk?

JOHN: we’re getting a new addition to the family today!

• Poor Tavros crocker

DAVE: what kind of five year old is into atomic clocks

DAVE: damn every time i see him i just wanna pinch his cheeks and tell him about what things were like when i was his age and shit

• I like to think I would be a cool Aunt if any of my friends have children
• Tavros Crocker has the voice of like, the poor little german/swiss boy meme in my head
• They're making interspecies marriage illegal

DAVE: harry my dude you need to unplug from toxic masculinity

• Do 5 year olds have a concept of toxic masculinity. Evidently Harry Anderson doesn't.

Everyone settles down in the game room except Tavros, who stands by the door with his arms folded behind his back as if waiting to be ordered around.

• :c

JANE: And you’re not even... you’re not even proficient in bed anymore!

JANE: What is even the POINT of you if...

GAMZEE: HeY hEy.

GAMZEE: cAlM yOuR tItS bAbY.

JANE: SILENCE, CLOWN.

• I can't tell how he compares to Caliborn
• I don't understand how the economy of Earth C works
• Because I thought they had unlimited grist resources somehow
• Are they just, very large but limited? Or is it something else
• There's a gift larger then the fucking house?
• "Drone thingies" she's just inventing Alternia 2 but with humans?
• Operation kidnap Tavros is a go, it seems
• I wasn't entirely sure if the plan was to kidnap Tavros or Jake, to be honest

DAVE: yup thats totally what our friendgroup needs

DAVE: to be even more incestuous

HARRY ANDERSON: what does incestuous mean?

ROXY: it means that everyones rly good friends harry anderson

• That was, an entirely depressing section

JOHN: [Paraphrased] Have you been molested by Gamzee?

TAVROS: [Paraphrased] No but

TAVROS: It just seems like a thing that would eventually happen to me, does it not?

• Jesus
• Oh so the plan is to get Tavros and Jake
• Just that Jake will hopefully leave on his own once he doesn't have to stick around for his son
• Oh dear
• John and Jade are fighting and ignoring Tavros who seems to have something important to say
• Presumably, that someone is right behind Jade
• Hey do you guys remember how in candy 21 it ended with an undead jade rising from the grave, declaring it isn't Jade Harley and pronounced itself the protector of their world
• And how nothing came of that
• Jane is here everybody! and she overheard the shouting match about if kidnapping Tavros was justified!

JOHN: ha! is that how you talk to your husband too?

JANE: He’s actually, at the moment, my kismesis. And if Jake didn’t want any of this, he shouldn’t have knocked me up.

JAKE: Hello chaps i am right here.

• Jane is selling Gamzee as the opiate of the masses
• Hes a fucking mass market Charles Manson
• What is it with the Gamzee milk
• John has done a runner into outer space

Candy 24

• Oh hey it's not!Jade
• They're sat on the meteor
• Terezi seems to be doing derealization just like John
• Aradia and Sollux seem to be serving Alt!Calliope in some way
• It's just not clear what
• Alt!Calliope seems to be serving as some sort of "cannon anchor" to prevent dissolution

TEREZI: BUT FOR 4 LONG T1M3 1V3 F3LT L1K3 TH3R3S SOM3TH1NG WRONG W1TH M3

TEREZI: L1K3 1M M1SS1NG SOM3TH1NG 1MPORT4NT

TEREZI: TH3 TH1NG TH4T 3V3RYON3 3LS3 H4S TH4T 4LLOWS TH3M TO B3 S4T1SF13D W1TH TH3 W4Y TH1NGS 4R3

TEREZI: L1K3 TH3R3S 4 HUG3 VO1D 1NS1D3 MY H34RT 4ND 1LL N3V3R H4V3 WH4T 1 N33D TO B3 H4PPY

• Was Terezi dying in meat?
• I think so
• Terezi doesn't know where home is for her anymore
• Alt!Calliope's work seems to be to prepare to fight Dirk
• Unclear if in a mystical sense or if she is going to physically beat the shit out of him
• Probably both

Candy 25

• Karkat,,,,
• He has a desk
• Karkat does not want to be called Commander

KARKAT: BUT WHAT’S THE POINT IF I CAN’T EVEN SAVE ONE OF MY LIEUTENANTS FROM MORTIFYING PUBLIC EMBARRASSMENT FOLLOWED BY A LIFETIME OF HARD LABOR IN THE CAKE MILLS?

• I would assume labour camps being cake mills is just Karkat making a joke but I don't have any idea what the economy of Earth C looks like at all
• Did they just, give up on sburb tech?
• I am beginning to think it is not a joke and they are actually cake mills
• Meenah is here?
• Wait this is Meenah with the life ring from meat?
• It seems like the ghost rain is her doing
• Oh, yes. All the ghosts got devoured by the supermassive blackhole
• Didn't. Lord English get dragged into that by Davepeta

Candy 26

Even Alternia had beauty in it. But John is sure that Earth C probably replicates it the same way it replicates everything else: thin and garish and fake, fake, fakity FAKE. A bad photocopy with the ink settings turned to high contrast. A sunrise that casts no shadows.

• John's dad's car just fell from the sky
• God

Stopping Point

I read the first line of Candy 27

Ten years have gone by.

So much time is passing in Candy, it's unreal. Everything is so Weird but things are happening now. It seems like even more then in meat in some ways?