Homestuck Epilogues 12: END OF CANDY.

Today, we finish the epilogues.

Homestuck Epilogues

Candy 36

• John went home
• To his one from Earth B, not, his new home
• Jake is here
• After only using a keyboard at a desk for like a decade, writing on a laptop on my lap is fucking uncomfortable
• I wish I had a table to rest it on rn
• Jake has, very minimal clothes
• It looks like he's finally left Jane, and took Tavros with him

JAKE: Well. I suppose i was hoping you might be willing to help me and wee tavvy out a bit here.

JOHN: help you out?

John produces a dry laugh.

JOHN: that’s pretty funny.

JOHN: i remember trying to help you for years, and you never seemed that interested back then.

• I miss my nice keyboard that was horizontal and not stupid

Are Jake’s “struggles” worth any more of John’s guilt and emotional energy than a Sim stuck in a pool without a ladder?

...

Something in John’s stomach churns. The ridiculous fate of this facsimile of his friend is one thing, but Tavros...

If things really are the way they seem, isn’t he John’s fault, too? Did his reckless decision really author a child, just for it to suffer?

• Jake is doing the hope-y thing, I think
• Jake and Tavros are moving in with John
• John is going to call Roxy
• And try to be involved in his son's life

Candy 37

• (Vriska) is hanging out with Vriska

(VRISKA): You mean, like, the human marijuana I’ve heard Dave ram8le a8out sometimes?

• They're getting along pretty well
• (Vriska) is still like 16 isn't she
• The same age as Vriska

VRISKA: She’s fine, I like her. 8oth my moms are alright.

VRISKA: They’re a little o8sessed with all this War Shit though.

...

(VRISKA): Hey, is the Mayor still around?

VRISKA: The Mayor’s dead, dude.

(VRISKA): Shit!

(VRISKA): I loved the Mayor.

VRISKA: Everyone loved the Mayor.

VRISKA: He’s in our damn history 8ooks.

...

(VRISKA): Don’t tell him I said this, 8ut, I think John is just an extremely powerful 8eing. Even when he sucks.

• This is weird man
• Vriska seems to have the opposite opinion of John to Dirk
• As far as Dirk was concerned John's main utility was being a sort of everyman who was especially susceptible to being 'You' and had no further value
• Whereas Vriska seems to think he has other cosmic importance

(VRISKA): He’d pro8a8ly manage to 8e more relevant than I could ever dream of 8eing even if he was dead.

• Meat Terezi is walking around with Meat John's body
• I say meat Terezi but I'm not sure there is a corrosponding Candy Terezi

VRISKA: Harry’s dad is a Joke! He’s a Washed Up Loser.

VRISKA: He’s not worth feeling shitty a8out At All.

...

(VRISKA): This is really funny. I feel like such a fuckup. 8ecause now that I’m saying this, I realize there WAS a person like that I met once.

(VRISKA): Like you, sorta. It was just another version of myself.

(VRISKA): She was genuinely happy, and living her 8est life, even though she was ironically a ghost.

(VRISKA): 8ut something a8out her attitude set me off.

(VRISKA): So I ripped her to pieces??

(VRISKA): Also I sort of stole her girlfriend.

• Huh, her and Meenah are here again
• And now (Vriska) is (Vriska)
• So is the original (Vriska) now ((Vriska))?

(VRISKA): I guess I mean there’s someone specifically I fell out of touch with, who it feels like I’ll never see again.

• I don't know if this should be obvious but I can't work out who that is
• Oh
• Terezi
• Right

VRISKA: You’re just talking a8out The Girl You 8linded that one time, aren’t you?

• (Vriska) understands that Earth C is inside the black hole
• Vriska stole John's phone during the hug
• Of course

(VRISKA): Hey Terezi.

(VRISKA): This isn’t John.

(VRISKA): It’s Vriska.

Candy 38

• John / Jake are still paranoid about Jane's survailance
• This is a bit awkward

ROXY: lets me n u tear this ol egbert/lalonde estrangement band-aid right the fuck off n see what we got goin on underneath it

• Roxy and Jane aren't too close anymore
• She got too political...

ROXY: ok ill b the first 2 admit that janes turned into kind of a jerk lately but u no shes not actually like

ROXY: literally evil

ROXY: lol

JOHN: that’s debatable!

• Oh John
• You ate some candy half a century ago and now everything is your fault forever
• Roxy disagreed with him!

ROXY: dude

ROXY: where tf do u get off trying to decide what is or isnt me being “like me” enuff

ROXY: do u think ppl stay the same their whole damn lives or what

...

ROXY: youve never been the only player in this game u kno

ROXY: do u not remember who all was there when this all kicked off?

ROXY: me n callie wouldna told u u had a choice if it was all just some meaningless bs

• I am not entirely sure how to interpret a lot of this
• John is going for a drive with Harry Anderson

Candy 39

• Karkat has deployed Jade and Dave on a scouting mission near the border
• Out of harm's way
• I forget that Earth C is also Earth B
• Everyone is still using captchalogue cards it seems
• Still don't get how they have an economy
• Yknow the thing about locks not existing was stupid
• Locks have uses other then for security, like lockout tags and stuff

It’s too perfect, actually. Deploying a bunch of Shitty Liberties as bombs in the service of a kind of liberty that is entirely un-shitty. It makes him wonder if his other self on some level knew they would be used for this purpose one day.

• The White House...
• A transportalizer in the white house?

OBAMA: Hello, Mr. Strider.

OBAMA: I’ve been waiting a long time for you to show up.

• Hologram Obama?

OBAMA: Sometimes, you may even have to leave people wondering if you’ve forsaken them entirely, because your real duty is to concern yourself with the final destination of the planet. To make sure it stays safe along the hard journey and ends up being the best home it can be for both the human race and the many newcomers to our world.

...

OBAMA: Those heroes were fighting for something. Even if all you manage to accomplish is leaving behind a legacy to inspire others in the future who need that Hope to go on. Even if one of those in the future you end up inspiring is an alternate history version of yourself, Dave.

• What the fuck
• So this is a brainscan of Obama

OBAMA: You see, Dave, it was critical that I had a chance to speak with you. But only when the time was right. Only once you had made it all this way, standing ready to defend the future of Earth C.

• This is surreal

OBAMA: You still care a lot about Karkat, don’t you?

• Obama is talking about Ultimate Selves
• Obama met, Dirk?
• Dirk taught, Obama?

OBAMA: I believe you’re ready to wake up.

• I KNEW IT WAS A RED PILL / BLUE PILL THING
• Davebot
• Davebot was built, by Obama

OBAMA: If this sounds confusing, don’t worry. You’ll understand everything once I help you ascend.

...

Obama is holding his hand up, and floating just above his palm is Dave’s ascended essence. It flickers wildly in his hand like a little kernelsprite. Obama holds it up to his face and blows it away like dandelion fluff. It floats lazily into the chest of the robot, and with that, Obama disappears, leaving the corridor in total darkness and silence.

Seconds pass. And then a minute.

And then, time seems to stop altogether. As if the aspect itself has suspended its forward motion, bowing before the unprecedented transformation taking place. It defers to its greatest knight, risen anew.

Candy 40

• The blackhole IS Alt!Calliope?

JADE: lesser beings have so much trouble perceiving divinity in the uncanny.

...

JADE: this world, unlike the canonical horrors from which it is hermetically insulated, will always fail to meet the combined criteria for truth, relevance, and essentiality that would endow this realm with any real gravity.

JADE: its own naturally occurring supply of gravity, rather than the artificial supply i have given it.

JADE: as such, what transpires here is characterized by experiential frivolity.

• Alt!Calliope is forcing Candy to be 'canon' enough for her to gather her strenght here

JADE: one could describe it as a phantasmal projection confined within my horizon.

JADE: it was created by a choice that made it possible for that horizon to expand infinitely, to consume infinitely.

JADE: and since that choice could not coexist with canon events, this place manifested here to support its consequences.

• Candy is a fortress to resist Dirk from
• He can't influence it, but she can consume parts of meat
• Finally we're going to get an attempt at an explanation of what Dirk is up too

ARADIA: a martyr died and said fuck

...

JADE: a martyr died and said fuck.

...

JADE: a martyr died and said fuck. [but in a differnet font]

...

JADE: you noticed because you were alert to the fact that there was even something to notice at all.

JADE: and if you had not been alert to the fact that something could be different about the nature of the voice telling your story, or to the fact that such differences had a certain significance, you likely would not have noticed.

...

JADE: but longer stories have the power to draw consciousness into them. they possess arresting and hypnotic qualities which can be used by their tellers to alter the awareness of the listener.

JADE: again, i’d like you to imagine this is the only way you’ve ever known this story.

JADE: but then it continues...

...

JADE: i brought to your attention that the story you were listening to had a speaker with a specific identity.

JADE: and where there is an identity, there can also be an agenda.

JADE: i gained the power to bend your consciousness to become more amenable to my narrative agenda by lulling you into a more receptive state through the established rhythm of the story’s telling.

• Dirk wants to infect Homestuck with his narrative agenda
• The full story of it
• And rewrite it from the end
• And now Alt!Calliope is going to eat Lord English's body and, transcend the black hole / candy to fuck up Dirk?
• Or well, I guess she already did in Meat

Candy 41

• Dirk made himself a new god tier icon
• Terezi is here? Jade's shoes are at least

She used to live in this body. She’s dressed in the same clothes she was wearing the day she slipped into the coma. A special tiara replaces her typical hairband, lined with blinking transmitters. The device beams her awareness directly into her current mechanical avatar. She presumes it utilizes the same technology that Jade’s grandfather once used to build a dreambot for her, which functioned similarly.

• So she still has a physical body, unlike Dave
• They're, going to seed new life to play a game of sburb for some purpose
• A supposedly important purpose

DIRK: Are my fucking pantaloons ready yet?

End

Candy is a lot, and very weird. I really enjoyed it but I feel like there's a fair bit going on I've failed to comprehend properly. Here is my like, kinda reading of the situation however

Dirk and Rose have 'ascended' to become their ultimate selves and are travelling to some far off corner of universe C to seed intelligent life for the purpose of playing a specific 'important' session of sburb. According to Dirk this is to preserve canon and keep Homestuck relevant, as well as for the pair to act as antagonists to the other characters in some way. Alt!Calliope is opposed to this, stating that Dirk's actual intention is to retroactively change the meaning of Homestuck's narrative, not the events itself.

I'm not, entirely sure if I've got that right but I'm hoping I'm not totally off base.

What's Next

Homestuck is amazing, and I love it so much. But I made a promise to my friend Serena that I would read sburb.exe soon, so that's going to be next. It's currently at around 800ish pages, so it'll be a quick pit stop before hs^2. Expect some coverage of whatever is going on with seedflap first however.