Homestuck Epilogues 3: DIRK.

Not feeling great. Going to try and read another 10 pages or something. Idk.

Homestuck Epilogues

Meat 10.

• Jane
• Dave is really into the economy
• Troll reproduction is going to start soon, apparently
• Jane thinks if Karkat is president, he'll. Somehow lead to race riots?

Why were so many of the finest young minds on this planet slaves to this foolish man’s perky glutes?

• Jake is coming to visit

Meat 11.

• The beta kids who went to jump Caliborn are imprisoned inside the Juju.
• Presumably, they'll come out at that point where Vriska unleashed it at the end of act 7
• Now the alpha kids are bashing Caliborn's and gonna stick him in Lil Cal.
• Terezi mentioned, it seems to fuck up John a little.

JOHN: am i... depressed??

• am i... depressed?
• John's retcon powers don't work here, wherever here is.

Meat 12

• Dave really fucking loves the economy
• Neoliberal austerity measures
• Also Jade is here again
• Jane wants to "restrict grist alchemy for the sake of growth"

JADE: im scandalized

JADE: especially when

JADE: there are much better things we could all be doing with our mouths.....

• Jade apparently has 0 social skills but has put a lot of levels into kissing.
• She also seems somewhat upset that she has a relationship with Dave and Karkat but that they don't want to make it clear what it is?
• I am also unclear what Dave and Karkat's relationship is now, because apparently they've not kissed and don't seem to consider themselves romantic partners.

JADE: the two of you have basically been together since your days on the meteor its SO obvious

KARKAT: TOGETHER, YES. AS FRIENDS.

DAVE: yea

KARKAT: VERY CLOSE FRIENDS WHO UNDERSTAND AND SUPPORT EACH OTHER ON A DEEP AND EMPATHETIC LEVEL THAT GOES BEYOND HATE OR PITY. YOU COULD EVEN SAY THAT OUR RELATIONSHIP...

KARKAT: ...TRANSCENDS QUADRANTS.

JADE: yeaaaaaah not gonna lie karkat but that sounds totally kinda gay

KARKAT: UGH YOU HUMANS AND YOUR UNFATHOMABLE GENDER BASED QUADRANTS.

• Jade dated a carapacian couple at some point

JADE: dave......

DAVE: what

JADE: is this...........

JADE: about obama???

DAVE: what

DAVE: no i

JADE: dave are you in love with obama?

DAVE: jade jesus where do you get this shit from

JADE: is it about jesus then??????

DAVE: no!

DAVE: jesus wasnt even real

JADE: i know he wasnt real!

JADE: wait...

JADE: are you saying

JADE: obama was real?

DAVE: ...

DAVE: yes

DAVE: obama was real

DAVE: he was the president

• I feel like I should have mentioned this earlier but God Tier powers seem to still be in effect

JADE: fully automated luxury polyamorous space-time communism!!!!!!!

Meat 13

• We are not being John at the moment
• He is stuck somewhere between some stage of canon
• Instead
• We're being Vriska!!!! At the end of Homestuck when she deployed the JuJu.
• We got hit with some reality shrapnel, and are now bleeding.
• She has a message from Terezi
• The supermassive black hole has been mentioned again
• Vriska just got consumed by the black hole, right as the beta kids emerged from the JuJu.

Meat 14

• Jane is a really bad honeytrap
• Jake just fucking sprayed her with booze
• Jane and Jake are, kissing? Hooking up?
• Or would be if Jake could see Jane as Jane instead of Not Dirk
• Rose is at Dirk's place

Meat 15

• This is what John had dreamed of, the end of paradox space.
• The battle starts and Rose is immediately vaporized, Heroic.
• Jade's lost her first guardian powers already
• The black hole has completely consumed the green sun already
• She is then impaled by more reality-shrapnel.
• Davepetasprite^2 is here!!!!
• Lord English just keeps eating hammers
• John's been bit

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < wrow you almost got vored to death

• Lord English just bit Dave's head off
• Davepetasprite^2 dragged Lord English into the Supermassive black hole.
• John closes his eyes

Meat 16

• They're discussing Rose's wizard fic
• She originally thought the children in the story were the beta trolls
• But 12 players won the game that created universe C
• They also all were affected by what would seemingly be the awakening to their ultimate selves
• So why is only Rose and Dirk affected
• Terezi apparently fled Earth C?

Rose’s eyes have grown distant, almost mirrorlike. Dirk can see himself reflected in her vacant stare.

ROSE: All the pieces in their place.

ROSE: The mechanisms all running smoothly.

• The narration text just turned Dirk Oranger

Meat 17

• This is All Dirk Orange
• This is All Dirk talking to us
• I am not sure I understand everything that was just explained
• So Dirk is attempting to hijack the narrative for whatever his purposes are
• part of his expanded prince of heart powers seem to allow him to assert control and author new narrative
• as well as being aware of the fourth wall

Meat 18

• Anything that isn't dialogue is still Dirk Orange.
• John is completely, and utterly, alone.
• Dirk's power to author narrative seems haphazard, he accidentally makes John aware of him and has to undo it.
• The tooth embedded in John is poison, if he doesn't remove it he will die
• Removing the tooth will cause him to bleed out.
• John needs to find Vriska
• John finds, his dad's wallet?

Meat 19

• We are still in Dirk Mode
• Jade is trying to convince Roxy and Calliope to join team Karkat

That’s what keeps Jade Harley flitting from couch to couch, relationship to relationship. She can’t stop thinking to herself that “home” comes awfully close to rhyming with “alone.”

• Jane tries to look like the Condesce, apparently.
• Even with the ability to author narrative, Dirk seems to still be unable to read void players

JADE: sorry callie i probably shouldnt have put all that on you

CALLIOPE: less apologizing, more snacking!

• Calliope is non-binary
• So is Roxy
• This manages to surprise Dirk

She’d be a doggy’s fucking uncle if she wasn’t gonna come across woke as hell about all this. Truthfully though, it was making sense to her. Eye-opening, really. Why hadn’t anyone told her this was even an option when she was younger? She probably would have loved being a “they” when she was a teen.

• Jade is, unwell?

Meat 20

• Jade is awake, but it seems to be the younger version of her who almost got got fighting Lord English
• But she seems aware of where older Jade was

She coils into a fetal position and runs her fingers along the edge of the shard in her chest. It sends pins and needles under her skin. It’s pure... negative potential. The absence of a future.

• Paradox space is apparently the opposite of Skaia, which was infinite potential.
• The super massive blackhole can speak, apparently.
• And it types in the colour of Alt!Calliope.
• It seems Alt!Calliope can do the same kinda trick Dirk can, and author new narrative.

come.

What the fuck?

Forget I said that.

• Dave seems to know it's alt!Calliope, and thinks that getting away from this scene will stop her jacking the narrative from him.

Stopping point

It's been a few hours. The epilogues are definitely a lot better then I expected. I like them.