Homestuck Epilogues 6: MEAT POSTSCRIPT.

And we are back! I am hoping to get to the end of meat today so we can start on candy tomorrow. But that depends how long meat epilogue seven actually lasts, if it goes too long I'm gonna stop after meat 42.

Homestuck Epilogues

Meat 38

• Dave and Karkat are, understandably, not taking Jane's victory well.
• Dave has alcohols

DAVE: i decided that im an alcoholic now

• Dirk doesn't approve, what else is new

DAVE: its never too late to develop a substance abuse problem

DAVE: ive been thinking about it for a while and it seems like its time for me to finally get on the wagon of not being on the wagon

• Their defeat sounds, completely humiliating
• Jfc

Come on. You’re so close.

KARKAT: I’M GLAD YOU’RE MY FRIEND, DAVE.

Oh, for the love of god.

• This is painful

Look. Even you can manage to top this guy. You’ve got it easy, dude. He’s gonna open up for you like you just rolled up on a Denny’s at 3 a.m. with all the boys and a Groupon. You can do it right here on the couch if you want.

• This is like pulling teeth
• This is what it's supposed to be right, Dirk is meat and meat is all action
• He can't progress their characters in a way that doesn't feel like it's at gunpoint
• I think if he keeps trying to push it Dave's brain is going to explode

I’m going to have an aneurysm. He’s hearing me but not listening to me. This dude has such a titanium grasp on his own born-again virginity that not even the literal hand of God can compel him to kiss his own goddamn boyfriend.

• He keeps talking about how it has to happen naturally and not via his intervention and then he keeps intervening.

DAVE: GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HEAD AND JUST LET ME DO THIS MYSELF!!!

KARKAT: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DAVE: dude

DAVE: come here...

• Has Dirk overplayed his hand and now Dave knows what's happening?

Meat 39

• Jake owns Skaianet, who manufactures spacecraft.
• Apparently Jane is handing out military contracts that need spacecraft. Intergalactic empire time I guess.
• Jake just, stores whole spacecraft in captcha cards and stores them in filing cabinets.
• Dirk is still intending on never returning

DIRK: If all goes well, she’ll rule Earth C for millions of years, and you’ll be critical to that reign.

• Jake has actually just been relegated to being the crocker heir factory
• "Just keep having kids and outliving them because you're an immortal and none of them will be. Isn't that super cool?"

DIRK: I’m sorry, Jake.

DIRK: But I’ll never let you break my heart again.

• Dirk is a nightmare person

Meat 40

Kanaya Maryam is single and ready to mingle.

• I know this is probably not how it's supposed to be
• But I am at this point just imagining that Kanaya has been walking non-stop for weeks at this point
• And that is just now all she can really do
• We've antidoted jade!

Her mouth twists into a silent snarl. She’s been angry plenty of times before. But never so angry that she stopped being cute. She’s not cute this time.

...

JADE: DIRK STRIDER HAS TO BE STOPPED!!!!!!!!!!

Meat 41

The problem is, I think power like mine can only make antagonistic intent unavoidable. Who could wield such control over people’s choices and the course of events without ultimately becoming the enemy of anyone who notices?

Meat 42

JADE: did dirk KIDNAP ROSE?!

• I feel so bad for Kanaya
• They're realizing that Dirk is the man in the coil!
• Dirk undid the weird mental shit he did to Kanaya as 'mercy'

KANAYA: I Was So Devastated I Thought

KANAYA: That I Should Just

KANAYA: I Dont Know What I Thought

KANAYA: What

KANAYA: What Was I THINKING?

The best fucking question anybody ever asked is: why am I so fucking awesome? I believe I’ve recently provided more than enough material to supply an answer to that question. But Kanaya may have just asked the second-best fucking question anybody ever asked.

• His head is so far up his own ass it's come back out his neck-hole

The more you study the question, the more it seems all concrete forms of accountability go up in smoke. Her original thoughts were never that important, and the significance of the idea that she was the one authoring them was always a bit overrated. My mission is to someday clear this all up for everyone.

KANAYA: WHAT HAS DIRK DONE TO MY WIFE?!

...

KANAYA: HE HAS CORRUPTED HER IN SOME WAY!

• MAKE HIM PAY
• Kanaya stop shaking the dog girl!!!!
• Uh oh
• There goes Jade

KANAYA: Yes Poor Jade!

KANAYA: Poor Me!!

KANAYA: Poor ROSE!!!

KANAYA: POOR EVERYONE!!!!

KANAYA: FUCK DIRK!!!!!

KANAYA: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

• Alt!Calliope is back!

kanaya drops to the floor and begins weeping again. she feels the sorrow anew from her wife’s departure, with a sense of rage and pain unshrouded by the veil of the prince. neither she nor her friends will have to worry about him anymore, so long as they remain on this planet and under my protection.

• Yes, they're safe to progress their relationships as long as they never attempt to progress the plot

Meat 43

• Jade has been moved from the hospital back to Dave and Karkat's place
• They know Dirk's got Rose and a ship, and that he probably doesn't even have an end destination planned yet
• Dave asks if Dirk and Rose are banging

KARKAT: I’M FAMILIAR WITH YOUR CONCEPT OF “HUMAN INCEST.”

• There's so much incest discourse

KARKAT: WOW! THE WOKEMASTER IS ON FUCKING FIRE FOLKS! HE’LL BE HERE ALL NIGHT!!!

• Karkat dark woke
• Jane apparently didn't even know Dirk was gone

ROXY: hey does anyone know where the hell john is

DAVE: oh yeah

DAVE: good question

• Alt!Calliope is providing literal directions, by pointing.
• She's pointing in Dirk's direction
• They asked if John is aboard the ship and Jade/Alt!Calliope lowered their hand, which they've interpreted as 'Yes'

they will believe they are on a quest to retrieve a wife and rescue a friend. but they will discover their true mission is of much greater cosmic significance than they imagined. the seer is firmly in the thrall of the prince and will not easily be pried away. and as regards the heir, though resuscitation remains a theoretical possibility for those still striving for it, the truth of his role is it has reached a greater sense of narrative finality than any of his allies will bring themselves to admit.

. his influence over canon has come to an end, as has this particular story. his ultimate sacrifice was made to put the missing keystone in place and avert the supreme dissipation of all that shall be considered to hold truth, relevance, and essentiality.

one speaker can easily be swapped for another, and then another, under the right circumstances. speakers can duel, predominate, overassert, or fall back, as one does into the comforting blanket of space.

and until i am needed again, this is exactly what i will do. i leave all who inhabit this reality with a recorded stream that is colorless, sourceless, and quietly divested of accountability. for if i were to insist upon anything else, could i really be considered worthy of protecting the very cosmos i describe?

Meat Postscript

• The text is black
• Aradia???
• This is, beyond the black hole? We're with the Jade who passed through the event horizon
• Although she seems to be, grimbark?

Abilities have been awakened inside her that no being has ever commanded before. She raises her hands and looks up at the sky. Above her, an immense vortex opens. It swirls many miles upward into blackness, and lightning crackles within.

• It's always fucking vortices.
• Davebot?
• This Dave also seems to be, the one from the fight with Lord English?
• Aradia, Davebot and Grimbark?Jade seem to be on some kind of plan

The hole leaves behind an absence in the sky so calm that continuing to call it a sky wouldn’t seem to do it justice. It’s a perfectly neutral expanse into which anything one can imagine might be summoned. And for a while, anything was. But not anymore. Where the hole gaped just moments ago, there now exists an imaginary line.

Above this line resides all that matters. Below exists all else. Never again the twain shall meet.

Stopping Point

Well I am entirely unsure what the fuck the postscript part was about at all. Meat was a wild ride and a great time, I can't wait to start candy tomorrow.