Homestuck Re-read Part 70: MASTERPIECE. | j4d3blooded.xzy
This post was created at 2025-12-19 15:47:25.8553869 +0000 UTC, 6 days, 16 minutes and 32 seconds ago. It is part of a series of posts called Homestuck Re-Read.

Homestuck Re-read Part 70: MASTERPIECE.

I have a project I have been working on for the last 2 days now that is not going anywhere near as fast as I would have liked. I remember that it used to be relatively easy to slice large 3d models into parts for printing but it turns out I am not at all correct. I feel a bit like I'm banging my head against the wall trying to slice this for printing. Whatever. It is 15:00 currently which means it is Homestuck time.

Episode 70 too! We continue to inch closer and closer to the end. It's going to be weird not, having something to write about every day. I know I have a few things I said I wanted to also do:

But I think I might take a little bit of a break between the end and starting those? Or maybe I'll just do them whenever I don't have something else to do. Who knows, really.

HOMESTUCK.

We are jumping straight into Act 6 Act 6 Act 5. Caliborn seems to have written some music to go along with his masterpiece. In stop motion clay animation, no less. Stop motion in general is really hard but working with clay is such a fucking pain since it retains fingerprints. Also if they have a wire armature it can really fuck up your fingers.

Anyway, he has a juju chest with some form of treasure that he got from slaying 'yaldobob.' Definitely takes the bite out of the gnostic tradition, really. He's also somehow acquired the void ring. It's not clear how he got it, or how it'll make its way to Roxy. He's dancing around with his magic when suddenly a team of the alpha and beta kids show up to jump him. He immediately deploys the Homestuck Logo Juju against the beta kids.

It traps their souls within itself, forever. After, it becomes intangible and is no longer of use to Caliborn.

LIKE A HOLE. A GAP, IN THE TEETH OF MY STORY. THAT NOW EXISTS, AS A DANGEROUS LIABILITY TO ME PERSONALLY. IT CAN ONLY EVER BE USED AS A WEAPON AGAINST ME, FROM NOW ON. SUCH IS WHAT YOLOBROTH, THE GREAT LEWD SNAKE, WILL TELL ME ABOUT THE JUJU WHEN WE MEET. SO AFTER USING IT, IT MADE ME NERVOUS.

It is re-entombed in the chest and banished to the furthest ring. Where it will absolutely never ever be found at all ever again.

He then kicks the shit out of the alpha kids. He does however resolve to distribute his beatings fairly amongst men and women. He does, however, make a classic blunder and turn his back on Jake's body. He got up and tried to do the hopey thing. Jake put him down for the count. This is why he took the name English! A name which Jake had because of his mother's hatred for the condense, leading to her changing her last name to the one thing the condense feared: Lord English! That's one loop closed.

Dirk proceeds to do the soul rippy out thing when suddenly, horses. And ARQuiusprite. Somehow, from somewhere, For some reason? Dirk tries to do the soul rippy thing but instead he just jams Caliborn's and ARquiusprite's (and Gamzee's) souls into Lil Cal. They have Roxy banish Lil Cal. But it's not successful, Lil Cal will continue to re-emerge in countless universes. Heralding Lord English's arrival.

We are treated to, Homestuck from Lil Cal's perspective. To close out today's upd8. Thank you for joining me, I will see you all soon.